I'm a reader, and I am begging authors to stop having opinions
A little satire (SATIRE!), because I am so tired.
I am a reader of books, and from that place of authority, I would like to say to authors everywhere: Shut up about your political stances, already.
Literature is no outlet for your polarizing takes. Animal Farm, The Handmaid’s Tale, The Color Purple, The Stand, 1984, Little Fires Everywhere, The House of the Spirits, The Underground Railroad, The Fifth Season, The Prince—not a single one of those had a damn thing to say about how humans should treat one another. They’re entertainment, people. Look it up.
Social media is an even worse home for your different from mine annoying opinions. I follow you for the cover reveals and book news and copious photos of your kids, whom I don’t know personally and will never meet but nonetheless adore for their cuteness and joie de vivre. Sharing to that same feed some extremely depressing statistic about children in a faraway place whom I also don’t know personally and won't ever meet but whom I don’t care about is just selfish, frankly. Way to make me feel sad. :(
Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, we should probably ban authors from public speaking until things die down. Or at least, if they’re going to say something with which I disagree controversial, the organizers should get to vet it first, right? Authors certainly cannot be trusted to read a statement that’s empathetic, eloquent, and/or inclusive about a topic I consider political while, say, accepting an award. You’d have to be, like, really good with words to do that.
Everyone knows the best authors would never bother observing human behavior and trying to decipher between right and wrong.
Honestly, where did authors get this disgusting idea that anybody cares what they have to say? It’s vulgar, frankly. Stay in your lane; know your place. In fact, get back in front of your computer, you whiner. I’ve already preordered your next three novels, and they aren’t about to write themselves.
If we’re all just shouting out hot takes right now, here’s mine: Authors need to shut their mouths and go back to writing. That totally apolitical act of evoking entire worlds and imagining life from characters’ perspectives…putting those characters through obstacles and seeing how they react and learn and ultimately portraying a subtle yet undeniable philosophy about how to be a human in the world…that’s the job of a writer. I should know. I read books.
Telling us what you think about a world event? Or worse, attending a political protest?! Pssht. Everyone knows the best authors would never bother observing human behavior and trying to decipher between right and wrong. Leave it to the deep thinkers, folks. I want your head to be as empty as possible, and I also want you to bang out 85,000 deeply nuanced, moving words. I see no contradiction in that edict. Clear your mind. Write a brilliant story. How hard can it be?!
Unless you agree with me on foreign policy, of course. In that case, an invitation to my next fundraising event will appear in your inbox shortly.
This post is funny. But about the boycotts-- let's draw a line somewhere! Also a tongue-in-cheek comment. But truly: I am conflicted about the strategy behind boycotts and would love to read your actual thoughts about how authors, publishers and the organizations that help to elevate and draw attention to their work, promoting the exchange of ideas, should be collaborating right now to resist oppression of writers, free speech, and the platforms where deeply considered differing political ideas can be considered side-by-side.